Tag Archives: Something Personal.

…to Life’s Little Choices

How’s this for direct? On my last visit to my OB, I was informed that I may need to come to a decision to stop working in order for me to have a child. It was due to the fact that I am overworked (I worked the whole Holy Week and even on Saturdays and Sundays) and the treatment I have been taking might not work if my body remains bruised by working too much.

photo not mine
photo not mine

A part of me was sad upon realizing that eventually, I will have to put my so-called career in a backseat and concentrate on trying to be a mum. I find it so f*cked up that jobless kids half my age are procreating while I have been guzzling one fertility drug after another just to have a healthy working egg. I worked tirelessly for fifteen years, without nary a rest or respite. But at the end of the day, I will never be measured by how much I earn or what’s written as my designation. To the people I know, I will always be known as someone who “just kept on trying to no avail…” And it’s no longer amusing.

A part of me has decided that I am ready to walk away from my job and the career I have literally wasted half my life trying to build just to be healthy and fit enough. This early, I have looked at options that await me should I finally tender my resignation. I have drafted a timeline as well as a savings goal which will see me live comfortably while away from the corporate world.

I started working with eLance, having my first client as a writer last week. For my first week, I earned USD20 (PHP900), not a big amount but it’s a start. Navigating the world of freelancing is scary for someone like me who always had the safety net of a tenure or a company holding me back. I have never backed out of a challenge and I am a stubborn little girl — so, yes — right now, I am trying to increase my cred online in order for me to continuously win clients.

I don’t know when I’ll tender my resignation. My goal is to save money at least six times my current salary. Originally, I wanted it to be a year from now. But I don’t think that’s still feasible. With my luck, I hope I will be ready to resign by December and sustain myself online instead.

Wish me luck and send me a ton of prayers, please. I really need it.

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When the going gets tough….the tough gets going

This is what I want to say to all sources of stress and unnecessary worries: EFF YOU!

I am too fly to be defeated by stress!

26 Oct 2011

What I am wearing:
Pink Polka Dot dress from Sophie – PHP1,100.00
Black Sheer Tights from the Landmark – PHP85.00
Heeled brogues (catalogue bought) – about PHP900.00
Fancy jewelry from the Landmark – about PHP100.00

When God closes a door, he knows we can bust through the windows!

I don’t understand people who whine all the time.
We all have our own miseries and we all deal with crap that life usually throws our way. We can either wallow in self-pity and blame the rest of the world when it comes to our miseries. Or we can give the world the finger, and say–“No way will I be defeated by this”

The reason for this ranting is that as of late, I am surrounded by whining individuals and sometimes the endless litany of the world sorrows has a way of bringing you down, yes–even if you are just an innocent bystander who happens to hear the steady stream of whining and curses each day.

Whoever had the notion that life is fair should START TO WAKE UP and SMELL THE ROSES. Life was never fair to anyone. What life does is give either a steady mix of the good and the bad and hopefully, from this experience you will emerge unscathed and a wiser person. Like what they always say, when God closes a door–definitely, there’s a window (and a whole roof, for that matter) wide open for you.You just have to brace yourself, hold your head high and go for it.

Life–no matter how crummy–it maybe will never change unless we are the first one to initiate change.

I will be the last person to tell you to be content on things. If you think that this will improve your life, not hurt other people and will make you a better human being — THEN GO FOR IT. Like me for example, I am happy to be a writer and to earn my keep writing PR for my current company.

But outright–am I contented with what I am doing now?

Seriously, NOT YET. Because I believe there’s still a lot of things that I can accomplish and do. Like for example, this blog has given me the outlet to reach out to a lot of people and share my views on a wide array of subject. This blog has become my outlet for all that I think, see and feel in a day. This has also opened doors for me to meet new people–even through the internet and communicate with them especially on things that both inspire and inflame us.

Currently, I am also starting on wedding coordination. As mentioned before, a good friend has hired me to organize and plan her wedding. More than being inspired that someone DID hire me, what I feel is utmost appreciation and an overwhelming happiness for having someone who trusted on my events management skills. I am also lucky to have a client who understands my schedule, and someone who listens to my suggestions.

I am also blessed to be given the opportunity to change perceptions and influence people with my writing. To do this and not see how big of a blessing this was is simply sad.

So, me — the biggest whiner there is–is now ANTI-WHINE. Aside from the fact that it has a way of assailing your ears, it never changes things. It is simply grating to the ear and highly infectious.

Saying Goodbye

It’s hard having Death visit your family — it gets too sad losing people and missing them
We finally buried our cousin today, hence the lack of blog activity. I’ve been in the province overnight and there is a serious lack of internet connection in the hinterlands of Trece Martirez.

It is so true about the Lord answering your fervent prayers in ways you cannot imagine. I am thankful that me and my husband, together with our family (especially The Queen of All Cats) has been instrumental in helping my cousin go through his final journey. The internment almost didn’t happen due to some sad financial mix-up, my aunt (my cousin’s mom) has been crying her poor heart all week–first, due to the loss of his youngest son and then due to the cold-hearted money grubbing funeral parlor. It’s a long and heart-wrenching story and I’d rather not go into details.

As the Queen of All Cats said, “kaya tayo nagpapakahirap kumita ng pera, para makatulong tayo pag kailangan” (That’s why we work hard to earn money, so that we could help (other people) when needed). Well said, and I really love my sister for being so generous and kindhearted.

Knowing that my cousin will ULTIMATELY take his FINAL journey into this earth as planned and scheduled, my aunt broke down and cried.

We said our goodbyes under the searing heat of the sun:

a typical cemetery in the provinces
flowers growing near my cousin's tomb
a stone cherub guarding some of the tombs
a mother says her final goodbyes

Rest in Peace, Kuya! We will miss you…
R.M. 1978-2010

Five years today, the pain never goes away

My favorite uncle died on December 25 (US time). So, technically, that will be today.

While it’s been a while–it’s still hard for me. I think–aside from his mom and his family back in the States–I was the one who took it the hardest.

You see, my uncle spent the best years of his life in the US providing and helping his family here in the Philippines–his brothers, his sisters, his gazillions of nieces and nephews and cousins and all that Pinoy mentality of extended family shit. I was young then and I’ve seen how selfless and dedicated he was to his family here in the Philippines. He was the best uncle to anyone.

But to me–it was a lot of bull that grown people here must rely and ask for the help of someone who was working his butt off in some foreign country. That’s what I hate with some of my kababayans–this twisted notion that if you are working overseas, then you must be rich. And that it is your obligation to help your whole family here in the Philippines.

I hated how people wrote him to ask hims for money, for stuffs, for groceries, for clothes, for any freakin’ padala…To this day, I bear much hatred for people who kept writing him letters and asking him for things. I wanted to tell them, “if you like something so much, why don’t you work hard for it? Why are you asking our uncle to give it to you? He has a family to take care of, for Christ sakes!”

My uncle lived in the States for more than 30 years, I think. His last thoughts, on his last days–was for him to be buried here, in the Philippines, near his Mesias family.

To this day, it still kills me–thinking about him and how much he loved us.

To this day, it kills me–knowing someday I’ll have children and they will never even meet him.

To this day, it still hurts.

I miss you Uncle Henry. I will miss you forever…

Who works on the 26th?

Well, apparently that will be me and my officemates
It’s a drag trying to work and plot survey results when the rest of the world is on chill-out mode today. A lot of people were just chillin’ out on their desk. I mean, what do you do when the rest of the nation is on Holiday mode except you?

I was tempted this morning to skip work and come up with a measly excuse. But being new in the company and having no leave benefits will make even the most chill person show up for work–well, in my case at least.

I don’t exactly have the luxury of being financial sound this year and with a lot of stuff coming up in 2010 (overseas trips, things I wanna buy, savings plan, etc, etc)…I have no room for slacking off.

Come to think of it–I don’t mind actually. I don’t mind doing my marketing plans and my demographics survey in between FBs and blogging and surfing. I get paid being here and it’s something–that in my book–deserves waking up at 9AM and being here in my desk on the dot.

Very Christmassy thoughts indeed for the 26th…