Tag Archives: bilbil chronicles

Uniqlo and the size 29 waistline

Imagine this: You are a person that is a bit particular and slightly neurotic when it comes to your close. You seldom buy anything, but when you do — it’s definitely something you just have to have, coveting it passionately, convinced that it’s a piece you can use over and over. So you throw caution (and budget worries) to the wind, pick-up the item and headed to the fitting room. Everything went as planned until you reach the part where you need to pull up the zipper and close the buttons. It just wouldn’t budge. So you huff and puff and you try to squeeze your belly until you grow frustrated.

Dejected, you pull the thing off you and exit the fitting room frustrated and a bit annoyed. You hand the item back to the friendly store staff while mumbling, “do you have a bigger size?”

…and in your head, you already know that nothing in the store fits you.

Well that was me last Saturday. After seeing a Women DI G.V.G.V Project pants in dark blue, marked on sale!

I was trying to rebuild my wardrobe to make it more casual and corporate-looking. Sadly, the recent turn of events in the kaisha has dictated that I clean up the wardrobe and say goodbye to my Shibuya-Harajuku costumes. I don’t know when we’ll have the new HR head, but I reckon she or he won’t be a fan of my dyed-blonde hair and Tokyo street fashion-style clothes. I had to stock on sensible pants, long-sleeved blouses and pumps.

Sadly, the perfect blue-colored pants just won’t fit me. The label says it can accommodate a 73 centimeter waistline. Well, the last time my waist line was size 29 was when I was still a reporter. My current waistline is eons away from that figure already, and it’s been my constant source of grief ever since!

I checked the other racks containing pants in dizzying designs and colors, the biggest size was size 29.
I checked the stack of jeans, the measurement stopped at size 29. Sadly, I am not a size 29. Far from it.

And then it hit me, I might not be able to buy a pair of pants in Uniqlo until I whittle away my disgusting waistline to the size 29 that seemed to be the threshold size for most of their pants. I know that this might be an isolated stocking issue since Uniqlo carries large sizes in Japan and possibly, in their other branches worldwide. Maybe, my waistline is just too big?

I don’t know how to address this. Sad and frustrated with my constant battle with the bulge, I bought the cute graphic Maxi Disney dress and consoled myself with how the dress skimmed all the bulges and curves I have come to hate.

Yet, deep inside I knew I was again at mercy of my constant battle with my size and my weight.


Denim Dreams

I was the girl who was always in skirts and dainty little dresses.
Not because I am a girly-girl, but those are the only things that fit me.

For a time, I posted a series of my woes on this blog — woes about being fat, being a dress-size too big, of clothes not fitting and of having to deal with insensitive people who make fun of me because of my weight.

My friends used to wonder why they haven’t seen me wear jeans–I told them it’s much of a trouble (and too much of a traumatic experience) to fit jeans in places where they do not have my size.

I knew it would be a long time before I can go back to jeans again — to toss off that rugged, rock and roll look that comes effortlessly for some, but had gone on to be much of a trauma for little, old fat me.

…and then, I got involved in Fitfil. I lost a few pounds (8.8! still a long way to go to my ideal weight) and lost a few in my girth.

And here’s what I wore earlier:

Forever 21+ Denim Jeans - Regular Straight Cut
Forever 21+ Denim Jeans – Regular Straight Cut

* picture from the Forever 21 website I was wearing the exact thing earlier, plaid button-downs, Forever 21+ jeans with heavy goth boots.

I WAS WEARING JEANS! Might not be a big deal for some, but for someone like me who’s been abstaining from dark denim for about three (or was it four?) years already, this is a reason to celebrate. The denim, a purchase from the Forever 21 store in SM Makati, is from the eponymous line’s Forever 21+ collection (for curvy girls). The happy thing is my waistline is down to 34, only 6 more inches before I go back to my normal waistline. The funny thing is — the jeans are still a bit loose on my waist area!

I know this is just a small victory in my battle against the bulge. But it’s definitely something that I want to celebrate. It’s been a long time indeed and honestly, I felt a surge of emotion after I have tried it on — went seamlessly and fits just fine. No bulges, no awkward push and pulls, no straining buttons, it was perfect.

My battle with the bulge is just beginning (and made more difficult, no thanks to Christmas) and I intend to continue to have the upper hand. While I know that it will take me a long time to achieve my ideal weight (120 lbs) –I am not and will never give up.

One day, I will no longer have to hide under tonics, leggings, whimsy skirts and dainty dresses. Wearing denims will no longer be just a dream.

* Forever 21+ Denims retails for PHP695.00

FitFil Movement: My Journey to Taking Weight Loss Seriously

I’ve gone on and on on this blog about my desire to lose weight. I started really thin, reed thin in fact. In college, a strong gust of wind can knock me off my feet. But a decade later after university, I can now knock someone off the ground with my clumsy walk and heavy, lilting gait.

Yes, I run. But I feel that the effort — that half run, half walk, part crawling thing I do every Tuesday is not really up to speed with the changes I want with my body. I want something concrete, something where I can see the results. Fed up — with the fact that I can’t barely fit in my favorite clothes, the I run out of breath and can’t compete on 5k runs when I want to and that my current body weight must be affecting my child-bearing possibilities– I decided to sign up for a FITNESS BOOT CAMP.

My journey to weight loss with FitFil

FitFil was introduced to me by a good friend, R who is a fitness buff following bouts with weight fluctuations and a weird heart. The boot camp is headed by Coach Jim Saret, well-known in this part of the world as a recognized and effective expert. He also coached the first season of the Philippine franchise of The Biggest Loser. Joining Coach Jim is a veritable who’s who of Fitness experts including the coach of the current Philippine boxing team (and boxing champ Harry Tanamor, Hazel and Raffy, Pinoy Biggest Loser adorable placers and the icing on the sugar-free cake Chris Everingham of the Philippine Volcanoes (!!!!I am a big Volcanoes fan!!!) This will be the third batch following a successful Cebu and Bonifacio High Street leg of the program. This year, FitFil is held at MOA by the Bay along the Mall of Asia promenade.

So, last Monday (the day before the opening session of the camp) I found myself buying things other than cute shoes and adorable satchels:

Work Out Gear – picture from the FitFil Movement Facebook page

Glad I didn’t put off purchasing the yoga mat because I ended up french kissing the pavement many times over last Tuesday night. One was for the time we had to do planks and my clumsy self collapsed in a heap of lard on the ground many times over. Can’t blame no one but my lack of balance really. The mat was cheap but does the job (for the meantime). I also had a fitness glove that I got also on the cheap while my sister toted a pink, skinny one. I look like a weightlifter next to her with my macho, padded gloves.

After hurdling the registration and the program, we came to the part I was excited and scared the most. The work-outs. In my head, I can imagine all the people finishing the work outs, leaving me scrambling, munchkin-like, a tangle of legs and arms, unable to go past the danged push-ups.

Good thing my fears are exactly just that — first day jitters. What I liked best about FitFil is that the coach actually motivate you to do your best and finish the work outs and exercises, without making you feel like a failure. You maybe sweating like a pig, struggling to do lunges but out comes a friendly pat-on-the-back, a friendly push to “go further”. It helps, you know.

The boot camp also emphasizes good nutrition. On standby are nurses and nutritionists from Nestle Philippines who assist the training and motivational coaches in assessing our health and wellness requirements. Last Tuesday, we were given an assignment to list all the food we ate from Sunday to Tuesday and from what I have written, I can pretty much predict what they will say tomorrow (Thursday session-Day 2): “I have too much of a sweet tooth.”

I am excited for tomorrow’s session. Yes, even if I will go home again drenched in my own sweat and with muscles screaming for mercy. I have never enjoyed getting fit this much. Right now, I need to lose weight the equivalent of a small child in order for me to get my ideal body weight. Will chronicle the hardships as the day goes by.

Wish me tons of luck 🙂

Starving for curves

Here’s what I have been eating for the last seven days:

Lunch  - Option 1

Lunch - Option 2

…and its many variations hereafter.
True to my claim that I am freaking tired of being handed articles of clothing marked “L” (being handed an XL hurts even further) I am slowly starving myself to my ideal weight with occasional cheating here and there.

Thing is, I have decided to focus my diet on fruits and vegetables, with boiled eggs thrown in between for good measure. For times when I am really hungry and I feel like eating my seatmate, I cheat and eat a sandwich composed of wheat bread, tomato, cucumber, lettuce and cheese. I cheat and eat what I want (minus the rice and white bread) during weekends. I haven’t been drinking coke for about a year now, but I have to sever my relationship with Sprite (I find it really hard) and sweet stuff like cakes and pastries (which I am a sucker for).

One thing that sucks about dieting is it is effing expensive. The cost of my lunch is enough to feed me for the whole day. Why is it that getting fit usually hurts in the pocket? The garden salad is delicious but priced ridiculously (thanks, 711). I suppose the easy answer for this dilemma is for me to prepare my food at home, which I hope to do in the near future. If only time would allow me to do so.

Another thing is–it really takes time to get used to eating just fruits and veggies. The first two days I tried it, I was shaking like a leaf. I was so hungry that my office mates started looking like chicken drumsticks and I was afraid that I’d just chomp their arms off like barn zombies in the Walking Dead. I was so hungry I couldn’t think straight. Now I’ve learned to stave off the hunger by munching on apples and drinking copious amounts of water.

You may think it’s unnecessary to go through the agony of this diet — but I am determined to lose pounds, even if I have to eat raisins everyday until I go down a dress size. It’s really not about the perceived beauty of being thin, but I want to do this for myself. I have been depressed for so long due to the fact that I have gotten blimp-like. Even if I manage to stave off the usual cruel jokes by morons who think greeting people with “ang taba mo! you’ve gotten fat!” is normal and humane, I just cannot shake off the painful feeling inside my chest each time I pass on an article of clothing just because it does not fit.

Hopefully, things will get better for me after this diet. I never thought I’d be part of the breed that is just dying to be thin.

The Curse of the Fitting Room

I hate a lot of things: traffic, people who don’t pay taxes and complain a lot, money-grubbing morons and pretentious twits.

But nothing stresses and angers me more than buying shorts or jeans then having to fit them. I had to buy shorts earlier so that I’ll have something to use for a company outing tomorrow. After scouring the whole women’s floor and finding four possible candidates, I ended up getting frustrated and hot headed due to the fact that stuff does not fit out.

How is it even possible? The pairs of shorts that I was holding on my hand was big. As in, big like all contestants of America’s Next Top Model can fit in one leg. And while I has weigh issues, I definitely looked like I don’t need pants that big.

So, I hemmed and I hawed, cursed myself for “letting myself go”. I swore that I will never be in this rut ever again. Swore that the next time I’ll be inside the fitting room, I’ll be fitting shorts that does not bear the following letters: X and L. To say that I kept telling myself that I am not THAT big is an understatement. In my head, I had a vision that I am this particular size but when I start trying pants and shorts and they don’t fit me…I start wondering why.

One time, while my friend A and I were choosing clothes, she said that she hasn’t seen me wearing jeans, ever. And to think that we have been friends for more than a year. And yes, it is true. Maybe it’s because in my mind, I have sworn off the agony of fitting one pair after another, the shame of asking the saleslady for “a bigger size please”. And the ultimate agony of being told that “that is their biggest size and can one please try the Curves section”.

The name itself, “Curves” tried hard (but failed) to mask the feeling that you are being referred to the section where the really big people buy their clothes. It kinda has a lasting blow in the ego and self-esteem you see.

So for now, I am sticking to dresses and skirts. Never mind if people wonder if I ever owned any pair of jeans in my life, or if people wonder why I am always in dresses and skirts. Until I am not confident enough to wear jeans, or until I have the body type that will cater to the preconceived sizes, I am saying goodbye to things that hurt my ego.

Running! (another installment of the Bilbil Chronicles) – Day 53 for Project 365

Here’s what I see on my running trail every time.
Yes, that’s our office building who looked so nice against the setting sun.

Day 2 of the Bilbil Chronicles, and yes I still have my amazing love handles. They are safely and happily ensconced on my mid tummy. But I can see a slight improvement from my previous runs. Unlike before that I easily give up after a few meters of continuous running, I managed to go half the trail before I decided to crawl half-walk, half-run. I also managed to do five laps today, a treasure considering my knees are already giving out on me.

Still not something to look forward to but it will do. I have plans of improving my running record for the succeeding runs (we run every Tuesday and Thursday) until I can finally finish one complete lap, without being wheeled out in a stretcher.

But I am glad. I am taking steps to take care of my health and that is always good.

A hop, a skip, a heartbeat – an installment of the Bilbil Chronicles (Day 51/Project 365)

healthy living

Took this before I started my 30-minute run after work earlier.
I haven’t been exercising for months now and it showed. I was barely running for five minutes when I started losing air and gasping for dear breath.

As usual, I trailed the pack but couldn’t care less. In my head, I was quite sure that I looked like a munchkin being chased by twenty feral cats. I was slow and prone to stopping…and embarrassing as this may sound, my 40plus year old office mate was making me eat her space dust. She was so fit and so healthy, capable of doing 6 laps in 30 minutes.

I will stick again to the routine, I will lose weight — I swear to God.