There’s a reason for my protracted absence in the last three months: I was in the midst of a job change and was in the process of adjusting, finding my footing and proving myself.
The new position, in a very challenging but very good company, also placed me in a manager position which meant being responsible for four (talented) souls under my team.
From being someone who used to do ALL the work, I am now expected to delegate and manage people efficiently. While I am very grateful for the opportunity, I am also scared shitless. I am scared that I will mess up, disappoint/annoy/embarrass my team and/or fall short on the expectations of my bosses. I am afraid that from being the “Wonder Girl” of my previous company, I will amount to nothing but a mediocre boss in this new one. I am afraid to fail and lose all the things I have painstakingly built on my own during the past six years in my old company. I am afraid to become a failure.
You say: If you are so afraid, then why make the change at all?
Because it’s time.
I’d rather take the leap of faith and start from scratch than deal with the “what if’s;” I’d rather wake up and go to work anxious about proving myself than remain complacent; I’d rather rather bust my ass off working than live each day trapped in monotomy. I figured that in my old age, I don’t want to live with any regrets.
I’ve always believed that being scared is always a good thing, because that meant that you are hell-bent on avoiding failure. When there’s too much at stake, you will do your best – even if the process consumes your whole being. Being afraid is a good things, because it will make you conscious of success. Being afraid usually gives way to check and balance. Being afraid pushes you to be brave. And honestly, this is what I do each and everyday of my life.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll be less stressed if I chose to just stay put with my old company. The allure of comfort + familiarity + routine was tempting. But I asked myself why I wanted to go in the first place, and each and every time, I am reminded of my desire to do something different, something difficult…something challenging in my life.
So yes, embarking on a life change when you’re in your 30s can be nerve-wracking. But who says life is easy?