Quo Vadis, KamikazeeGirl?

Along with the coming of the New Year is the opportunity to take stock of the past year, forgive past transgressions, learn from the failures of yesterday and move on with hopeful plans for the next. In my case, I am approaching 2017 a lot less cynical, a lot more mature and grown up.

Suffice to say, for me, 2017 is the year of growing up. 

When I was younger I wish I could be remain 25 years old forever. For a while, I clung on to that notion – my own Peter Pan complex (convinced that I will never grow old) and just went through the motions of me being young and irresponsible and rebellious and difficult. Suffice to say, it was NOT cute. Whereas to a millennial, the whole “devil-may-care-attitude” would look fly; but not when you’re a 30 something middle manager corporate peon with nary a care in the world. Sorry, but it was just being stubborn and difficult.


During the past years, I discovered traveling, fell in love with being an amateur wanderlust; and then a while back, I rediscovered writing, blogging and reaching out to brands. At first it was fun, getting invited to events, getting SWAGs, meeting new people, discovering amazing writers and story tellers and counting them as new friends. Then, it slowly became just a matter of trying to catch up on writing, setting up your blog number, your stats, trying to be in the middle of the game. For me, it became a chore. It wasn’t as fun anymore.I began to dread writing. I began to dread opening emails. I was way over my head and I knew it.

I know I needed to step away for a bit. Re-assess my priorities and recharge. In the end, I needed to answer one pressing question, Quo Vadis? (Where are you going?)*

(* According to the apocryphal Acts of Peter (Vercelli Acts XXXV[1]), Peter is fleeing from likely crucifixion in Rome at the hands of the government, and along the road outside the city he meets the risen Jesus. In the Latin translation, Peter asks Jesus “Quo vadis?”, to which he replies, “Romam eo iterum crucifigi” (“I am going to Rome to be crucified again”) – from Wikipedia)

Where am I headed? With too much dreams and plans in my head, I know that I have started to lose sight of the things I really wanted to do. I was too preoccupied with a lot of things that I lose track of the three-year, five-year plan. More than anything, I knew that I needed to investing on myself.

Investing on your own house is not easy

On the last month of 2016, the hubby and I took a step forward and got our own place. 

Like all things, my fixation on getting my own place stemmed from my pro-longed mid-life crisis. I was getting old, earning my dues on the kaisha but still haven’t got anything to my name. Well, I had two life insurance policies, but like any typical Filipino, my dream is to have a house of our own. One which I can share with the hubby and the cats and the many toys and collectibles we had. One, when possible, where I can raise kids.

I mulled getting a house in the province, where mortgage is cheap, but being a City Girl at heart, I was mortified with the traffic, the travel time and the fact that I am hundreds of kilometers away from Makati City. So when the chance to own a unit located on a new condominium complex came, it wasn’t difficult for me (and the hubby) to say yes. The unit came with a dirt-cheap monthly amortization and flexible payment plans. The moment I handed over the reservation fee (PHP25,000 – enough to buy a new laptop), my head was already swimming with dreams of redecorating. My online life was consumed looking through pegs and swatches from Architecture Digest and Real Living; and pinning the hell out of Pinterest.

One of the things I needed to do was get a checking account. Banks are wary of giving out checking accounts to just anyone, to lessen the probability of bouncing checks and unfunded accounts, I was told. What convinced my bank was my long-standing history with them. I have been a client for more than six years already and pretty much did all my banking with BPI. So kids, this shows that it pays to stick to one bank you can trust –  build a good financial reputation. It will help a lot when it’s time to start being a grown up and start investing into things.

After issuing 48 post-dated checks and in God’s perfect timing, we will be able to move into our new home in two years. Enough to save up for the redecoration, the furniture and the kids that would hopefully fill our little home one day.



The big financial responsibility of trying to get your own home also meant that I needed to prioritize. That meant more focus and more responsibility with work, the comes the side hustles. Currently, I am juggling about three side gigs that brings in additional cash, money that goes straight to the checking/condo account.

This also meant that while I will still continue to blog (after all, writing is my passion), my goal is to now write about the things that I really, really love and believe in. That meant travel, my hobbies, eating, crafts, arts, books, fashion, beauty and trying to be healthy. While I am very thankful of every opportunity given to me, my goal is to write more original materials for the coming years. I owe my readers that (no matter how few they may be).

Five days into the new year, I am glad that I have come to gain my footing once again. I’ve found my compass, I’ve adjusted my sails and yes, I finally know where I am going.




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