…to Life’s Little Choices

How’s this for direct? On my last visit to my OB, I was informed that I may need to come to a decision to stop working in order for me to have a child. It was due to the fact that I am overworked (I worked the whole Holy Week and even on Saturdays and Sundays) and the treatment I have been taking might not work if my body remains bruised by working too much.

photo not mine
photo not mine

A part of me was sad upon realizing that eventually, I will have to put my so-called career in a backseat and concentrate on trying to be a mum. I find it so f*cked up that jobless kids half my age are procreating while I have been guzzling one fertility drug after another just to have a healthy working egg. I worked tirelessly for fifteen years, without nary a rest or respite. But at the end of the day, I will never be measured by how much I earn or what’s written as my designation. To the people I know, I will always be known as someone who “just kept on trying to no avail…” And it’s no longer amusing.

A part of me has decided that I am ready to walk away from my job and the career I have literally wasted half my life trying to build just to be healthy and fit enough. This early, I have looked at options that await me should I finally tender my resignation. I have drafted a timeline as well as a savings goal which will see me live comfortably while away from the corporate world.

I started working with eLance, having my first client as a writer last week. For my first week, I earned USD20 (PHP900), not a big amount but it’s a start. Navigating the world of freelancing is scary for someone like me who always had the safety net of a tenure or a company holding me back. I have never backed out of a challenge and I am a stubborn little girl — so, yes — right now, I am trying to increase my cred online in order for me to continuously win clients.

I don’t know when I’ll tender my resignation. My goal is to save money at least six times my current salary. Originally, I wanted it to be a year from now. But I don’t think that’s still feasible. With my luck, I hope I will be ready to resign by December and sustain myself online instead.

Wish me luck and send me a ton of prayers, please. I really need it.

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