It’s funny. How dreams, the 5-year plan, the big picture changes unexpectedly.
For the longest time, all I wanted was to get back the corner office and snag a job that will bring me places (literally and figuratively), other than the four corners of the office desk. I wanted to use what I’ve learn, slumming it along with some of my Asian counterparts when I used to work for the Orange Company. In my head, I know I can do it: kick-ass events, public relations campaigns, advocacy programs. If only I have the budget or the support, I know I can do it.
But well, we make do with what we have.
After all, I have a job that allows me to go to places I never thought I’d see in this lifetime, it feeds my little addictions (to Japanese fashion magazines, to clothing, to bags and shoes…), it allows me to be responsible, pay the bills, help the hubby realize his dreams by going back to school.
So when the opportunity came to fight it out to get a good job in a world-famous company, I grabbed the chance and worked the opportunity like mad. I thought I’d fight tooth and nail until the very end until I get the job. Well, before this post — I sent an email to the company to thank them for the opportunity and to formally inform them that I am withdrawing my application for the post. Three months of phone interviews done by overseas execs, of nerve-wracking on-site interviews, only for me to concede defeat in the end.
I had my reasons, believe me. Like not being able to start anew in new territory while I help the hubby follow and reach his dreams. Of realizing that I will be immersing myself again in a back-breaking, hostile environment right at the time when I am going crazy thinking about my desire to have kids.
I had to set my priorities. And this time, it’s family before career, or a corner office and yes, bragging rights that I am part of this company.
As I write this, I am still conflicted. I am very hard on myself and have a tendency to dwell on my perceived mistakes. The biatch in me was still going on and on about opportunities not being kind and giving of second chances. But the boring, utterly contented, goody-two-shoes in me is adamant in saying that success is not measured by the money we have in the bank, or the position indicated in your business card. Success is having the kind of life that you envision and being happy about it.
Honestly, I am grateful to my current company– despite its frailties, the numerous whack jobs and the shitty people that I had the misfortune of knowing.
I am not giving up on my dreams. I guess it’s just a matter of realigning priorities.