I am a Rockstar…! (…but that’s only Inside my Head)

Here’s a bit of rebellion, the perfect pick-me-upper when you are holed up inside a very staid environment:

I wore my new plaid dress (a gift from my cousin) and paired it with black tights and studded goth boots to work last Friday. Given the option wearing the usual shirt/blouse-jeans-flats combo, I’d rather call in sick than look like probably half of my office mates.

The past week has been very trying as always. Most of the week, I feel like I am in school and I am being graded for what I did and I didn’t do. I have a to do list so long that I reckon I won’t be able to finish anything. Sorry to rant again, as you know — I really have no recourse but to do my ranting here.

Where was I? Yes, my insistence to where my scary Goth boots to work. I bought it for only less than USD4 (PHP150) so it’s a steal. Saw it in a newly discovered thrift shop and was super elated to find it UNUSED — as in there were still tags attached to it. I reckon that the person who originally owned it got buyer’s remorse when she saw how the boots really looked like — FYI, the silver stud thingy are tiny skulls embedded around each boot. I. FREAKING. LOVED. IT.

The plaid dress was from my cousin and she gave it to me after she noticed how much I’ve been eyeing that particular piece. The black tights is an old pair I usually overuse and is in serious need of a replacement.

Last Friday, I came to work with an unruly head of dirty blond hair (fresh from shower and carelessly combed), my “rockstar outfit”, my goth boots and the darkest scowl you could find this side of Manila, Philippines. I knew that it was a day of playing by antiquated rules, people-pleasing and standards-drafting. A year into the job, I am finally feeling the squareness of everything. I am also pressured to become more assertive, playing the game of office politics–which I truly, truly detest.

What is it anyway—the business of climbing the office ladder and slowly turning into a corporate drone. More than anything, I am averse to the people-pleasing, the need to get “high grades”, of “reassuring marks”.

These latest developments made me realize that I must be really meant to work for a more creative environment, one where creativity is more encouraged than questioned. I get frustrated with the long approval period, the endless turn over of ideas…the need to define and redefine.

Sadly, there are days when I catch my own self asking, “why was I hired again?”

A year into the job, people are apparently still asking what I do. Before it was amusing, but now–it’s simply annoying. If people can’t still comprehend what I do, not my problem anymore. I will not waste time explaining to people with brains the size of pea pods.

Maybe I should ansser, “I am the office’s resident rock star. I was hired to make your lives interesting.”