Table for one, please.

Two of my closest friends from my current work decided to throw in the towel and submitted their resignations, one after the other, early this month.Said move surprised people who had the impression that they are doing well on their respective positions, and thus happily contented with the company.

Their resignation also reduced the number of my closest friends at work to a grand total of zero.

Alone again, naturally.

“Table for One” – a painting by Linda Paul

Not that I mind being alone. Actually, I am comfortable with the long stretch of silence usually present when you are always on your own. I find a wicked sense of pleasure of eating on my own, a table for one, people watching and taking my time, savoring the food in front of me. I am glad not having to hold my end of the conversation or deferring my decisions (what to eat? where to go/) on whoever is my companion for the day. I go where I want to go and I do whatever I want to do. Simple as that.

The thing with being alone, and not being a part of a “clique” at the workplace, is that you really have to be kind and fair to everyone. You have to watch your back, especially in an office environment where a lot of psychos abound just waiting for the right time to plunge a knife at your back. Office politics, and its long nasty tentacles usually feed an office clique–giving them the dirt and the nasty to every unfortunate soul in the office.

The resignation of both my friends also meant that I’ve lost the only two people in the world who can understand my various issues with life and work, and would share, in turn, without hesitation things about them that is definitely TMI. Officially, my audience for my various rants and ramblings would be the various office bugs surreptitiously crawling on my desk during lunch break.

You may think it’s always easy to make friends with those that remained. And what, do that god-awful dance of adjusting, bonding over stale beer and much stale jokes, looking beyond the annoying habits and quirks? Oh God, I am too old to be doing that over and over again. I am way past my clubbing due date. I am too old to compare notes on who amongst our colleagues is the “office slut”. I am simply too old to care about whether “Jessica Sanchez should be the next American Idol or not.” Sadly, the machinations of office cliques (how high school) got too old for me and I have clocked out of the whole dance.

I am happy being on my own. I don’t need a companion to enjoy a good wine and an equally good pasta. I am contented talking to myself (at least we don’t argue) and I enjoy having that odd table for one.

I learned that as long as I respect someone and their personal boundaries, I can be a good acquaintance to my office mates. As long as I respect them and their choices as a person, I’ll be fine. Now, for some odd reason that they might find me repulsive, I have come to accept that it is really not my problem anymore. You can’t please everybody so no need to beat yourself silly about it.

Here’s to anonymity, the keeping of secrets and mystery. How do you enjoy your own table for one?

2 Comments Add yours

  1. fizzywoohoo says:

    Hear! Hear! Amen to ths post! There has been a massive resignation over here on my end as well. One of them is one of my buddies here. Seeing as I only have 2 buddies here, that leaves me with 1 more…kaso that other buddy already has group of her own. We chat lang from time to time about our love for the kpop boys haha. The one who left, i’m more closer to. =( (well, she has her own group as well but we talk more often) Actually, yung buong tropa nya yung nagresign, save for 2 who are seniors here already.

    I don’t mind eating alone too. Kami nga ni Gae dati sa airphil, we eat side by side but we don’t talk–and that’s fine with us kasi quiet time namin yung lunch minsan. I go malling on my own too which is good kasi I don’t want someone telling me that they’re hungry or tired or want to go home…I eat when I want, go home when I want, watch a movie 10 million times if I want… I still go out with friends but I don’t shy away from being on my own too.

    The eating on my own is half-half. Sometimes it would be nice if there was someone I could talk to over pasta or coffee.

    The office thing well, I came from a group from Airphil and I wish I had that here too at the Evil Empire…alam mo yun, to make things easier perhaps. But it’s alright. I’m just nice to everyone na lang and go about my own business. =)

    1. lanilakwatsera says:

      I don’t know what’s wrong with me — started being aloof and anti-social with people at work. It’s really not helping my social standing at the office but you know me, I don’t care most of the time. So, massive resignation on going from your end, eh?

      I have days when I want to turn in my resignation too cos I get bored and annoyed from random things but then I remember that this job has been my buoy for a year now. How are you? I hope things are well from your end.

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