Two of my closest friends from my current work decided to throw in the towel and submitted their resignations, one after the other, early this month.Said move surprised people who had the impression that they are doing well on their respective positions, and thus happily contented with the company.
Their resignation also reduced the number of my closest friends at work to a grand total of zero.
Alone again, naturally.
Not that I mind being alone. Actually, I am comfortable with the long stretch of silence usually present when you are always on your own. I find a wicked sense of pleasure of eating on my own, a table for one, people watching and taking my time, savoring the food in front of me. I am glad not having to hold my end of the conversation or deferring my decisions (what to eat? where to go/) on whoever is my companion for the day. I go where I want to go and I do whatever I want to do. Simple as that.
The thing with being alone, and not being a part of a “clique” at the workplace, is that you really have to be kind and fair to everyone. You have to watch your back, especially in an office environment where a lot of psychos abound just waiting for the right time to plunge a knife at your back. Office politics, and its long nasty tentacles usually feed an office clique–giving them the dirt and the nasty to every unfortunate soul in the office.
The resignation of both my friends also meant that I’ve lost the only two people in the world who can understand my various issues with life and work, and would share, in turn, without hesitation things about them that is definitely TMI. Officially, my audience for my various rants and ramblings would be the various office bugs surreptitiously crawling on my desk during lunch break.
You may think it’s always easy to make friends with those that remained. And what, do that god-awful dance of adjusting, bonding over stale beer and much stale jokes, looking beyond the annoying habits and quirks? Oh God, I am too old to be doing that over and over again. I am way past my clubbing due date. I am too old to compare notes on who amongst our colleagues is the “office slut”. I am simply too old to care about whether “Jessica Sanchez should be the next American Idol or not.” Sadly, the machinations of office cliques (how high school) got too old for me and I have clocked out of the whole dance.
I am happy being on my own. I don’t need a companion to enjoy a good wine and an equally good pasta. I am contented talking to myself (at least we don’t argue) and I enjoy having that odd table for one.
I learned that as long as I respect someone and their personal boundaries, I can be a good acquaintance to my office mates. As long as I respect them and their choices as a person, I’ll be fine. Now, for some odd reason that they might find me repulsive, I have come to accept that it is really not my problem anymore. You can’t please everybody so no need to beat yourself silly about it.
Here’s to anonymity, the keeping of secrets and mystery. How do you enjoy your own table for one?