I hate a lot of things: traffic, people who don’t pay taxes and complain a lot, money-grubbing morons and pretentious twits.
But nothing stresses and angers me more than buying shorts or jeans then having to fit them. I had to buy shorts earlier so that I’ll have something to use for a company outing tomorrow. After scouring the whole women’s floor and finding four possible candidates, I ended up getting frustrated and hot headed due to the fact that stuff does not fit out.
How is it even possible? The pairs of shorts that I was holding on my hand was big. As in, big like all contestants of America’s Next Top Model can fit in one leg. And while I has weigh issues, I definitely looked like I don’t need pants that big.
So, I hemmed and I hawed, cursed myself for “letting myself go”. I swore that I will never be in this rut ever again. Swore that the next time I’ll be inside the fitting room, I’ll be fitting shorts that does not bear the following letters: X and L. To say that I kept telling myself that I am not THAT big is an understatement. In my head, I had a vision that I am this particular size but when I start trying pants and shorts and they don’t fit me…I start wondering why.
One time, while my friend A and I were choosing clothes, she said that she hasn’t seen me wearing jeans, ever. And to think that we have been friends for more than a year. And yes, it is true. Maybe it’s because in my mind, I have sworn off the agony of fitting one pair after another, the shame of asking the saleslady for “a bigger size please”. And the ultimate agony of being told that “that is their biggest size and can one please try the Curves section”.
The name itself, “Curves” tried hard (but failed) to mask the feeling that you are being referred to the section where the really big people buy their clothes. It kinda has a lasting blow in the ego and self-esteem you see.
So for now, I am sticking to dresses and skirts. Never mind if people wonder if I ever owned any pair of jeans in my life, or if people wonder why I am always in dresses and skirts. Until I am not confident enough to wear jeans, or until I have the body type that will cater to the preconceived sizes, I am saying goodbye to things that hurt my ego.