The importance of being earnest…

The name of the game at the kaisha is stealth and having a good battle strategy. People can be nice to you one moment, only to plant a ten-inch knife at your back the minute you lose your guard. These days, it’s better to keep to yourself, speak with utmost sincerity and most especially, be on guard for most of the time. You have to check who you will trust. It’s like working for the CIA, only you deal with narrow minded people.

The boss finally threw in the towel–I can’t blame her actually. It takes a heart of steel and a gut of pure adamantium just to make sure that you will not fall through the cracks and get swallowed by the system. I actually know three people from the kaisha that gives new meaning to the word “suck up”. It’s like working with industrial-strength vacuum cleaner constantly working 24/7 just to suck all the bone marrow out of the hapless victim. Thing is, with the boss’ imminent departure, I am subjected to round-the-clock surveillance and loyalty checks. Day in and day out, I come face to face with this question: “now that she’s leaving, are you following her path?”

For one, I no longer know how to explain to me that I am my own person and that I make my own decisions. It’s crazy — I even have to wrack my brain thinking how I can prove that what I am saying is not BS. It. Is. The. Truth. Displaying sincerity to these people is like showcasing your best work only to see no reaction from the audience. Blah. It’s like walking on egg shells with the Bi-Centennial Man has come to monitoring my actions 24-7 as if like I am a criminal on death row.

After dealing with this crap for about a week, I finally decided to let them think what they think. Though I made it pretty clear to them that I have no malice working for the kaisha, all is just work for me. No emotional attachments or personal agenda. Plain simple work.

I am happy wherever I am right now. Yes, my world is hectic and chaotic right now. It’s like surfing the Great Rapids while balancing a pole on top of your head. I don’t care, I’m honest. I pretty much told them what I want to say. I am not keeping anything. Let them stew in malice.

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