WANTED: Choreographer and Stylist — BADLY NEEDED

You guys know that I love Arashi with all my heart and would probably go all “Justin-Bieber-on-CSI” on them, but really, in spite all this overpowering love, there are TWO aspects about this group that I can simply can’t fucking get.

They have the MOST AWFUL costume choices, and cringe-worthy dance executions. AS IN SERIOUSLY. As in I start hanging my head in shame once I saw all the effing glitters, tassels and arm-tossing bonanza that reeks of a badly-produced Pinoy variety show to me.

Case in point? Their MUSIC STATION performance for their latest single, “Lotus”.

I will say it once, and I will say it again: GOD AWFUL COSTUMES!!!! BUTT UGLY STYLING!!!
Oh, Johnny-san, for the love of the Fashion Gods, invest on good stylists for the boys. They’re your most recent gold mine and one of Japan’s biggest and fastest-selling groups, can you dress them all fly? I kid you not, the “thing” they are wearing on the video above reeks “pathetic host boy in Shibuya”. I want to burn that effing vests cos it was just too ugly for words.

Here’s vintage Arashi…see the adorable Sho-kun singing in English (he’s just so cute) and dancing like embraceable munchkin in space suit yellow (this also looks like one of the uniforms of airline ground crews, the one they wear with reflectorized sides). The stage begins to rise and et voila! the rest of my beautiful Stormy boys appear in matching……………………………………..synthetic vinyl Kryptonian costume (kindly take the time to read the “Death of Superman” series–Kal-El’s race wears the same clothes to work).

And to further illustrate my point that my boys needed a serious stylist, here’s a Sho Sakurai-centered mix featuring some of their performances:

Where their sartorial sensibilities run the gamut of the following:
1. A take on MC Hammer’s early 90s hammer pants from a designer who counts the great Elton John and Liberace as inspirations (the gaudiness! the sequins! the colors! the carnival-ness of it all)
2. Plaid and jeans combo (not bad!)
3. PINK tux! (and I thought, I’ll only see this in Vegas’ Little White Chapel on the strip)

I mean, COME ON! These guys are some of the most talented artists and most eligible bachelors in Japan, they should always look good. On stage, during performance and even during their free days. The costumes given to them are antiquated, if not a bit dated and tacky. PLEASE, get them a really good stylist….preferably someone from NYLON Japan. They deserve to dress well.