Me and my mood swings

Following the highs of being with friends on Saturday afternoon, I was hit by an inexplicable sadness come evening. I became easily annoyed (much to the stress of the long-suffering better half) and pensive. Lest you diagnose me as crazy, let me assure you that I have long suspected as much… (haha!)

Anyway, it might be due to the endless pressure (of earning a living, of doing well, of being someone my parents can be proud of, of procreating)…yet, somehow the gloomy atmosphere carried me well into Sunday afternoon lunch. So, when I was still resisting and scowling at the corny jokes of The Hubby (which always works for me) — I asked him if we could go to church earlier so I could have my one-on-one time with my Refuge.

Guess what? It worked.

Maybe, I just realized that I REALLY HAVE TO STOP WITH THE PITY PARTY…cos it’s not FUNNY, AMUSING, PRETTY (OR ALL OF THE ABOVE) ANYMORE! I really have to.

I can be very hard on myself, usually blaming my perceived ineptitude and shortcomings for whatever shitty situation I maybe in. Thing is, the more I beat myself up and the more I highlight these failures, the more that I believe that I have amounted to nothing. (31 years on earth and zero achievements…) That is what I usually tell myself. But then, good friends, and a husband who has made it his personal mission to save me from my own self, never fail to remind me that I am doing so well, that I have accomplished much. That the only problem is that I didn’t believe in myself the way other people do.

I think I need to realize that the world, no matter how “cruel” I think it may be… is exactly the opposite and has completely been very generous and kind to me. I really should be more strong to fighting negativity.

Again, I am amazed on how generous and wise He is — for giving me my family, my friends and the one person, M (my anchor and strength) who are always there for moments when even I refused to believe in what I have achieved and will achieve down the road. If not for these people, I am not sure if I will be the person that I am today.

11 Comments Add yours

  1. fizzywoohoo says:

    I get those feelings too. Weird isn’t it…that after having a fun day, you go home and feel sort of bummed about something you can’t put your finger on. Or worse…sometimes I’m already feeling bummed and sad even when I’m still with friends.

    We’re taking the same journey–doing away with the negative and trying to live in the positive. Ganbatte and Fighting to both of us!

  2. gigay says:

    hello, lans…

    Just had this same moment a couple of days ago… we all get this mood…
    But I have to agree with you on this… be thankful for the hubby….
    just like in most cases, when I do get that proverbial “blues,” it is the hubby whon just hugs me when he sees me just sitting down with tears silently falling on your face and trying as much as possible to not let your Diva of a daughter to see you with this kind of mood….

    And yes, it actually helps all the time to talk to HIM… somehow, in all the blunders that you feel and how imperfect you feel you are… you know for a fact that to HIM…. you are so perfect…. I feel that way… so when the world is raining on my parade, I look up only to see hubby providing the umbrella and realizing that HE providing the rainbow….

    Lots of hugs…. gigay

    1. lanilakwatsera says:

      so lucky to have met you mommy G!
      thank you for always being there — i miss having you around πŸ™‚

  3. gigay says:

    mee too lans….. nobody appreciates my sarcastic comments like you and F does…. ha ha ha

  4. fizzywoohoo says:

    nobody “here” (ie: evil empire) has sarcastic humor…it sucks…

    can i share something again with you both? last sunday nakababad ako sa internet downloading my kpop stuff (videos, songs, pictures..the works) and same din with the day before. i was happy. i was having a good time. my mood was great. so sunday evening, after my kpop overload, i happened to tune into a sad episode of oprah–marie osmond was talking about the suicide of her 18 year old son…and i effing lost it…i was crying in front of the tv! it’s just weird to me how an hour before i was happily sitting in front of the computer and then…bang! i’ll cry. granting na malungkot naman yung kwento pero…wala, i just find it…psychotic of me…parang may bi-polar disorder ako or something.

    aigoo….most days it’s alright being “here”…but it’s never wrong to miss friends right? hmm…i think it’d be a riot if the 3 of us worked in the same place right? that’d be awesome!

  5. gigay says:

    naku! it would be sooo cool if we can work together…. that would be great! Lots of ball bashing and panlalait flying in the air… our intelectual snobbery would probably reach its all time high…. ha ha ha

    My red ball ben is already ready! he he he

  6. fizzywoohoo says:

    gae! i have TWO red ballpens at work!!!!! hahaha…well, i also have a violet, a green and a blue, so it might not mean anything. hahaha…=)

    1. lanilakwatsera says:

      Kids, I’ve got a pencil case full of ballpens and pocket full of hate >:-p

      It’d be a riot, us three snooooooty Queen Bs! πŸ™‚ hahahahaha!

      1. fizzywoohoo says:

        haha pencil case full of ballpens and a pocket full of hate….hahaha…funny… it’s 5:59pm na!

      2. lanilakwatsera says:

        i had fun with Gae and the rest of the meanies!
        looking forward to our lakwatsa naman, F!

  7. gigay says:

    definitely akin na yung isa dun… plus yung violet mo…. ha ha ha!

    Uyyy! lapit na birthday mo… got my gift na for you…. might pass it on to Lani kasi you see each other more often than we do….

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