Wakarimashita…it means I Understand.
Or do I really?
Two weeks into the new year and two weeks into my new job, I am beginning to ask myself if I still understand who I was. I loved the fact that I am challenged to excel in something I have almost forgotten how to do. I mean, it’s been two (three?) years since my last CorpComm/PR job.
The last year–I spend learning and discovering everything I loved about Japan–the language, the music, the culture, the people, the pretty, androgynous looking boys with dyed hair… thanks to my writing job in my previous job, which is with a Japanese-owned company. Somehow, even if I was not moving forward career-wise, I was surrounded by everything that I loved. I was speaking Nihonggo albeit very, very, very badly…I was given free Japanese fashion magazines, I was watching my movies and stalking my pretty boys in cyberspace. At my age, I somehow have an idea WHO I WAS, and what I was doing.
The year I spent with that company is like being trapped in a rabbit hole and not knowing that the world was ticking by. I was thoroughly immersed in the culture that I loved. That is until one day it dawned on me that I was missing opportunities just because I was chasing after my own guilty pleasures. While people around me was moving up–the only moving that I was doing is learning the crazy ass steps to Arashi’s songs. When finally after one really bad day of moping and mixed instructions (no thanks to my almost non-existent, almost useless Nihonggo language skills) and I got a bad scolding from the kind-hearted Shacho, I knew I had to move on with my life. And that means I have to find a job that is commensurate to my skills. I have to find challenge in my life. I knew, I was getting stagnant — and no amount of CanCam’s fall collection series or Jun Matsumoto’s brilliant smile can make me reconsider my position. And so I quit.
So yeah here I am usually working from 8:30 AM to 10PM, surrounded by projects that I needed to understand at the least possible time. After a year of doing almost nothing, I am again thrust to conquer my fear of failure. High expectations, unreasonable demands, top-seeded clients–they are my life now.
And while I am missing my “doing-nothing-but-Nihon-stuff-days”, I know I have to move forward. There’s more to life than staring at the computer screen, waiting for the latest Myojo issue to download.
It takes a lot of getting used to, but believe me– I understand. I understand my purpose for leaving and for going beyond my comfort zone. There are just days (like today) when I sorely missed the person who I used to be a year ago…