Notes to a wedding, long goodbyes and tear-stained tissue paper

It’s still December 10 — a good twenty days before the year ends and we usher in new beginnings. A good ten days but I feel my world spinning so fast that there are moments that I would like to scream — Stop! I want to get off!

I have been so unbelievably blessed this month. Too much blessings in fact, I get scared that I am not worthy of these gifts from God. Fate and the Almighty Father has been especially kind to my husband and I this year as all our silent wishes (the things our heart craves) has been given. Sometimes I tell myself and the man I married that we have no right to complain about the year we had. We have been extremely blessed this year. The only thing missing out of all these blessings have been the presence of a child in our lives.

Anyway, I’ve been caught in a whirlwind of activity as of late (hence the lack of posts and musings) — and I have hurdled some pretty big challenges as I make my way to maturing and growing old:

1. The Wedding – after taking care of this event, I no longer have anything to prove to myself. And I will no longer doubt my event management skills. I will be the first to tell you that it was the hardest thing I ever did–to manage and execute an event ALL BY MYSELF! (The Hubby helped out a bit) especially if that event concerns weddings which we all know Filipinos are very touchy about. An incompetent wedding coordinator will risk a lifetime of ridicule and bad juu-juu from a very unhappy bride should she messed up the wedding. Well, I did not execute the perfect, seamless wedding but what I delivered is a wedding that will be forever remembered for its beauty, the happiness of the couple and the fact that its so laid back and mellow.

I am so proud of myself for being able to handle the pressure very well. Like all weddings, I heard quite a bit from the anxious father of the groom who was so concerned on the proceedings of the event, and even questioned me for a bit on my organization capabilities. Stressful and taxing, yes…but never did I take it against the anxious dad as he is I am sure only concerned on how the wedding would look like. Or maybe, he just doesn’t want to be embarrassed. At the end of the day–it’s the grateful smile and the happy tears of the gorgeous couple that made me very thankful that I am part of this occasion.

2. The Long Goodbye I finally decided to let go of my comfort zone and embark on another great adventure by January. The decision came after one of my fondest wishes when I was young came true and I was crazy to pass up the opportunity. Off hand, I know that this will not be the easiest thing I’ll do–but at 31 years old, I pretty much deduced that it’s time for me to face bigger challenges. I know that I will be very challenged by this opportunity but this also presents the chance for me to grow and be a better person and a better professional. This is also the chance for me to hone my skills and to be recognized on the field that I chose. The decision to let go of my current company is not the easiest to do, but felt so good when I finally handed over my resignation. Do not get me wrong, I have no problem with my current company and all that I encounter is easily solved by a bottle of beer and new shoes. The decision to leave was purely on career growth and to further what I know — nothing more, nothing less. The minor irritations with people? Yes, they are there–but it’s something that I can handle easily. With my impending departure, it is only natural that I feel sad, leaving people who have made an impact with my life. There were a few who made life a lot better for me and the thought that I will be leaving just breaks my
heart into pieces…

3. Tear-stained Tissue Paper
…and so with the decision to leave came tying loose ends and answering questions safely dis
carded somewhere. I had a very open and very frank discussion with the powers that be this afternoon, the same convo that left me drained and tired, even till now while I type this. I’ve cried quite a lot due to this and I simply cannot understand every single thing that is happening.

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