I am supposed to be at home today — lounging in bed, usually in my sleepwear (boyleg undies and wife beaters –why do they call it a wife beater, anyway? Playing with Momo while planning my next steps to — world domination? (hah! if I may borrow, Ms. Jessica Zafra). More like planning my escape to the purgatory I am currently in. The more I stay, the more I feel like someone trapped in a sinking quick sand.
Eventually, it became tiring to even think ill of my situation (and current location). The more I think about how shitty my current situation is, the more I feel lonely and depressed. So, I just gave up and learned to lift it all up to God. I refuse to even dwell on the negative cos there’s nothing like feeling effed up to magnify an already hopeless situation.
Yes, I also got disillusioned with the characters I currently work with. Maybe it’s knowing that things aren’t what they see to be. And more importantly, you really can’t trust anyone. There’s nothing like disappointment to open your eyes to the realities of life, work and even love. Though it pains me sometimes, it’s quite disappointing how the antics and the quirks you used to find endearing suddenly feels so old, tiring and even remotely amusing.
Where do I begin with the disappointments? I’ve written before on how I saw a second lease of life/enthusiasm when Mr. G came on board. The enthusiasm lasted for a total of two weeks tops before finally disappearing in a hazy AND embarrassing screen of smoke. Oh, can you say major fail.
I kinda got flak (and still getting flak) for taking the side of the boss one time to many, especially during instances when he kinda looks pitiful (since no one wanted to be on his side most of the time). I got flak for “babying him one too many times” (as they put it). He was a grown adult, way past midlife who as they’ve said, is way in control of his faculties. But. I. Can’t. Effing. Help. It. THEN.
Now, I can’t wait for the first week of December, where the requisite bonus gets handed out to the pandering masses. Oh, the fact that I am saving the money to have the pathetic room updated. Plus other money worries that is simply too iffy to discuss and give detail to. Bonus gets handed out and then I finally make a move to plan on my future. Cos what I do know and who I work with right now doesn’t exactly play out in the future I am trying to seek. Maybe we can call this one similar to a train station. We wait and converge here, but we all know that we have a destination to look forward to.
And oh—I hate working on a holiday. Never mind if the management promised double pay. It could be a whole set of effing stars plus the moon thrown in and I still wouldn’t mind choosing the tempting vision of “lounging in my room only in my underwear”. As it is a more delectable choice, given the current situation. During instances such as these, how low can you go?