Feel free to lynch me if you think I am so full of air, I am starting to suck helium.
Anyway, I was looking at new accessories at the Landmark with The Hubby, while trying to wrack my brain of what I will wear tomorrow for work. While going through the virtual catalog of my clothes, matching them with the shoes I have at hand–it suddenly dawned on me that I am feeling the pressure of looking my best and at my most fashionable ALL THE FREAKING TIME. The incessant need to find something great to wear (in spite the fact that I have two closets full of clothes) is a testament of this pressure.
It dawned on me that due to the usual compliments I get with the manner of which I dress, I have subconsciously ingrained in my psyche that I must never disappoint my “adoring audience”. (You may start pelting me with half eaten bananas at this point if you want) Somehow, I resurrected my annoying need for continuous validation, the kind I get when I wear clothes and shoes that defy the norm of my boring ofice attire. The same kind of clothes that elicit the gushes and compliments, the adoring gaze and even (prolly) inspire people to break out from the herd and just dress up!
Do not get me wrong, I am quite confident of who I am–I just get this natural and unspeakable high when people look at my clothes and my footwear, and profess their utter like. And when this natural high comes with the preternatural need to ALWAYS LOOK MY BEST AT ANY TIME, it can be tricky sometimes. I even feel the pressure when looking for new clothes and footwear! It’s like a part of me thinks that any kind of clothes isn’t just good enough.
Do not get me wrong, I do not belong and prolly will never qualify to Manila’s fashionable set. I am eons and eons away when it comes to their fabulousity… I am just a weird girl (who is always broke — most of the times) who refuses to be in uniform–imagined or otherwise–and is just raring to express herself. Thing is, I just feel pressured sometimes to NOT disappoint my audience.
Anyway, while shopping for clothes with the hubby and after I told him that “I feel this certain pressure” — he laughed. literally. on my face. and professed that he has an adorable–albeit weird–wife.