Durian Dreams

I always dreamed of migrating to Singapore to start a new life with my hubby. I don’t know, maybe it’s because of feeling like after ten years of working, I still find little improvement in my life.

I probably mentioned before that I have always considered Singapore as the best–if not, one of the best–countries to work and raise a family. The pay is enough to cater to your needs while also helping out with the family left in the Philippines. In my mind, if you are conscientious and determined enough, there is progress as an OFW, compared to being here in the Philippines where only your employers get rich, while you the slave employee either get miserable or contented, depending on the situation.

(Photo from here)

My ideal life is to raise kids in Singapore where they can have the best education and the best opportunities in life. Sometimes, I am scared to even think of what the future holds ahead for my kids should they grow up here in the Philippines. Yes, you may tell me that I have little faith in my own country, and I will not take offense. Why should I be offended when it is the truth? As much as I loved the Philippines, the lack of change and the general feeling of being stuck in a 10 foot express chute to hell scares me. I am more scared to what kind of life I can offer my kids. In my mind, I cannot let them grow up in a place where crooks get elected as government officials, and where opportunities are limited for the majority who doesn’t belong to the elite minority who possesses fancy surnames and unlimited wealth.

Sometimes, this dream scares the sh*t out of me.

I see my batch mates, former juniors and even former staffs find life and new beginnings abroad. And while, I always refused to compare what I have become to what they have achieved, I still can’t escape the pang of regret and a certain “pain” — sometimes, I ask myself what it is that they have done right, of which I continue to do wrong–to be given the chance to leave this country and find redemption elsewhere.

Yes, I continue not to give up. I continue to send resumes and applications to foreign companies abroad, particularly in Singapore–waiting for THE TIME when I am finally given the chance to change my life and that of my parents. For now, I continue to face each and every rejection with my head held high, and my spirits unbroken. Sometimes, I wish I could include in my application letter why I am taking my chances: that this is not only for me, but also for my parents, a chance to finally give back to two aging parents who worked their asses off just to give me and my siblings a good education. To give these two people their chance to a new life.

I will not give up, I always tell myself. So every night, before I go to sleep — I visit PinoySG, Work Abroad, ST701 Jobs, Monster SG and all the other career sites possible. I try and I try and I try. I will not give up. Someday, one of these companies will call me. I know it’s just around the bend…

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