Why can’t I be the ideal housewife?

I’ve been sitting on the bed for an hour, just staring on the state of chaos that my home is currently in. As mentioned the Hubby and I are currently renting a small room from my parents. With the limited space that we currently have, we manage to cram one creaking bed, two electric fans, one 27 inch TV, tons and tons of books, clothes, toys and all other little stuff that we currently own.

As of this very moment, this small space BARELY resembled the piece of paradise that I intended or envisioned it to be.

Newly-laundered clothes pile on one side of the giant floor pillow, the book shelf needs dusting, the bed needs a change of sheets, the laundry is piling up (I will do laundry tomorrow), the floor needs a quick sweep. All of these I do week after week after week after week.

Sometimes, I just want to scream and leave the house (room? closet? cave?) in perpetual mess. I hated dealing with the dirt, the dust and the grime build up. Before I got married, I had people who do my laundry, I had people who clean the house and the most I do is wash the dishes. But after getting married and being responsible for another person, I am tempted to abandon all sense of responsibility and just stay in bed or maybe stay out hanging out with friends.

Almost two years after the ink has dried on my wedding contract, I am still perplexed on the amount of house chores that usually come with getting hitched. There are days when I wanted to strangle my husband each time he leaves his stuff on the floor, or when the shitty ashes from his shitty smoking habit piles up on the ashtray. I wanted to strangle him even more each time I had to get his heavy t-shirts out of the effing washing machine to dry.

Do not get me wrong. I love being married to my husband, it’s the chores (being doubled) that’s pissing me off. Like today, I had to pick-up the clean clothes from the floor pillow and fold them, store them in my and his cabinet. I had to prepare the mountain of laundry that I will be tackling tomorrow.

It doesn’t help that my work calls me to be in the office from 10AM to 8PM–too tired and too cranky when I arrive home. I usually get into long and stupid arguments with the hubby when a messy home greets me following a harrowing day at work. The hubby works at night as a call center agent for a company that doesn’t pay so well.

With plans to move out of this rented hole by January 2011, we anticipate a much bigger space for our “little home” yet a bigger sense of responsibility — not only in terms of maintaining rent but also keeping the house. I anticipate more tedious nights and more flare-ups…. but I know it’s worth it. After all, it comes with taking the next step.