Searching for the old me.

Like I always mention before, I was not always the big tub of lard that I am today. I used to roll on the shores of Boracay in a bikini top and itsy-bitsy shorts. I used to be the one who had the curves in all of the right places. My jeans used to fit me real good and I used not to be embarrassed when asking for pant sizes. To put it bluntly, I was considered thin then–thin, with a good dose of curves thanks to a protruding butt that would otherwise belong to JLo or Kim K.

But that was five–or six years ago.

Now, the closest I will get to wear in Boracay is a piece of tankini plus good board shorts which will cover my massive thighs. I am now a tub of lard and has gotten past my allowed weight limit. Some of my clothes do not fit me now and I have given a way quite a few to people who deserve to wear them. To put it bluntly: I am now chubby, in dire need of diet due to health concerns.

One of my biggest peeves is when people I haven’t met in a long time will–instead of giving their felicitations (as polite people do) would go all melodramatic on me and declare, “Oh maaaah Gawd, what happened to you? You got faaaat???” During instances such as these, all my reserved decorum and propriety will fall out the window and I will be cross, go all Edward Sullen on the unsuspecting moron and even use my favorite comeback statements:
1. “and you’re still ugly/ and you still look like a monkey”
2. I’m fine, thank you for that wonderful greeting
3. Ow! You’ve hurt my feelings…
4. F@ck off…

No, seriously speaking–what’s with Filipinos and their tactless comments, right? Doesn’t really matter if its an old college classmate, friend, family or your grandmother. Someone is bound to go all crass on you and will point out the obvious (your bulging tummy).

I used to let it slide, but after being told (to my face) that I will likely go childless if I don’t shape up, I got paranoid. (Yes, I also got pissed off with the thoughtless, uncalled for remark on my child bearing capabilities and its subsequent relationship on my weight). I really wanted to have a child and its something where I am willing to do everything just to have a Little Mike of my own (considering my hubby’s amazing gene pool).

Anyway, so I resolved to lose weight. How? I have no idea.

I have decided to cut rice (little by little) into my diet and is now preferring to eating oatmeal at night. I have stopped being a softdrinks junkie (but I still can’t resist Coke Sakto–but am getting there). Slowly foregoing red meat and even coffee (which is too hard for me considering I am a caffeine junkie too). The only thing missing from me is daily exercise which I hope to give attention to this weekend.

It kinda sucked being chubby especially if you’re someone who loves fashion. I have so much outfit ideas which I can’t execute due to the piece of flab on my tummy. I also hated the fact that I tire easily and that my brother has considered me a punch line on all his fat jokes. I sometimes want to punch his skinny ass just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Sometimes, I always say that I am lucky to have found and married someone who loved me for who I am–fab or flab. I can’t imagine dating and the consequent damage it will do to my self-esteem if ever I am single, looking and chubby.

So, here I am. Especially concerned on my diet and on on how I will go back to the person I used to be so many pounds ago.

I just wish people would see me beyond the flab and the numbers indicated on my weighing scale.

“Cathy” cartoons by Cathy Guisewite

One Reply to “Searching for the old me.”

  1. *hugs* I get that too…THAT AND “wala ka pang boyfriend?!” If I can only tell my (extended) relatives (sila pa of all people!) to f*ck off, I would’ve done so a long time ago!

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