The Expendables: A movie so macho, I grew balls

I. Five way conversation between dad, baby bro, the hubby, the queen and I — while watching The Expendables:

The Hubby: Whoa! look at the explosion. There’s an explosion every 5 minutes…
Me: Sylvester Stallone’s face looks like Gretchen! (Baretto, a local movie actress known for her botoxed face)
Dad: That’s one good scene…see that?
Me: what happened to Stallone’s face?
Baby Bro: See the knife…? he hits them on the neck?
Sis: What happened to Stallone’s face, it’s not moving…
Dad: That one is called The General…
M: Oh I know it’s botox!!!
Baby Bro threatens to duct tape our mouths if we don’t shut our traps on Botox.
The Queen and I shut up…

II.
I grew up in a household ruled by my father, the king of all action movies. My dad’s favorites are the formulaic, action movies of yore (usually starring Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Steven Seagal, Jet Li and Jason Statham). When movies from these old-school action heroes are not available, my dad would then resort to his string of B-movies whose action heroes often has to go against a gang or a corrupt official and then paired with the requisite buxom blond whose costume of choice is spandex.

So, day after day this is the TV Mafia’s choice of poison and growing up we are subjected to his action movies. Not that we’ve come to love it, but how is it even possible to be totally against movies whose plot twists can rival even the meanest roller coaster and its thousand twists and turns. Anyhoo, that’s my dad’s idea of heaven — explosions, mean fight sequences and oh, any of the above mentioned title role. A buxom babe in Spandex, not requisite.

So, you can just imagine my dad’s vision of happiness when he heard about “The Expendables“. All of his favorites in one mean action movie? H-E-A-V-E-N, and oh except for JCVD and Steven S who (based from reports) lacked the humor to go through “the ensemble action movie”. I bet who’s laughing now, considering this movie raked in more than 200 million dollars in the box office. (though I seriously doubt if Stallone can move his face –well, to do the laughing *botox*)

Anyway, I can’t believe that I will say this, but I will: The Expendables is a good movie. Something you would expect for a film intended for the male audience. In fact, the testosterone level at the house was so high earlier that I was scared that I might grew balls if the credits wouldn’t roll anytime soon. There were explosions every freaking minute, Jet Li is amazing, the fight scenes were sick and oh, Mickey Rourke is one of the best things that happened in this movie.

It’s something which forces you to reconnect with the man within you. It’s so macho, I can feel hair growing on my upper lip, and I had the compulsion to high-five the hubby and call him, “pare!/bro/dude!”

I seriously, seriously enjoyed this movie. Heard Stallone is already planning part 2. Now, if only he can do something about the botox…

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