and like Edward (Scissorhands, OKAY???? SCISSORHANDS!!!!) the answer would be “I can’t…” (or better yet — “I WONT”)
And my heart does a thousand back flips.
Loneliness has a way of killing anyone softly, slowly — creeping into your life unknowingly. Next thing you know, you burst into tears on random places and instances; you device a way to shut up just so people wouldn’t see how effing of a LOSER you are; you shun the light cos the tears’ best friend is usually the dark (a cold dark room, a heavy blanket and three pillows).
On rare instances, you drink and try to forget. So you toast and roast your liver, spleen and all your worries combined on cheap alcohol and precious company.
On instances where money flows freely–you shop and unwind. You try four pairs of shoes (of the same style but of different colors) and you buy one. You buy unnecessary shit. You try to forget.
Or–if you are really desperate, you see things that aren’t really there. You put meaning unto things. At work, you try not to look behind you too much for fear that you see something that would make you forget of the existence of someone you effing love so much…
You try to avoid seeing the “aw-shucks” smile, chuck it to nothingness, meaningless meanderings often reserved for the flighty. You try not to notice. You try to be stoic. You try to be a nerd, a shitty pathetic nerd who says too much, but holds back a lot lot more.
It’s because you are freaking lonely. At home, you look at the four corners of your room and ask yourself, “Is it worth it…?”
You dare not know the answer. It scares you. So you sleep (or try to), wake up, go to work, pretend the whole day, keep things to yourself, go home, stare in space. The vicious cycle