Work, Inc: Oh, it’s just like highschool…

…or a tamer version of the local entertainment industry…

I know more often than not, I rant about all the shit that I have to go through each day at my place of work. While back-reading my blog, I realized that I tend to always flip off the place where I earn my keep. Yeah sure, it’s really a crazy office and most of the times–it has a way of zapping the life force out of you.

But sitting here on my bed and just thinking things through–I remembered being sick and miserable a year and a half ago. I was with my previous job, reporting to a maniacally oppressive boss and I was broke and sick. All I wanted then was to escape the miserable hell hole that I am and start a new.

Then, I found this job.

Yeah, it’s not exactly the best and it leaves much to be desired. But this very moment, sitting here on my bed and alone with my thoughts–I come to ask myself. Am I giving it the chance that it deserves?

Anyway, as mentioned–my current work is just like a grown up version of high school. Well, aside from the fact that the rules were freaking hilarious:
1. IDs must be worn at all frigging times – this makes sense as this touches the issue of security for the employees
2. No eating on the work station to prevent roaches from breeding
3. No headphones allowed
4. No personal mobile phones allowed (to avoid distraction from job)
5. Corporate attire should be worn at all times…
6. Laughing like it’s the end of the world is also frowned upon (or shusssshed upon,
depending which way you look at it)…

Yeah, at first it did sound stupid AND crazy, but right now–here at the (dis) comforts of my own home and without the noise that always envelopes me, I’ve come to think that there is no company that doesn’t have it’s share of shitty rules. And in my ten years of working, I pretty much have seen everything…

My current work place is the type which give writers (like me–hahah! right!) enough inspiration to come up with a novel that borders on sarcastic-funny-caustic and heartbreaking if needed. It’s the type of office you will see on british comedy series — you know, enough material to keep your sarcastic humor going on full swing. It’s a hot bed of characters that you won’t forget in this lifetime. The people are the type who brings in a good and bad impression, and somehow — like an awful train wreck or head-on collision, YOU CAN’T SEEM TO LOOK AWAY.

Case in point 1: The man who left the Queen’s language in tatters
I cannot–for the life of me–imagine myself speaking awful English. It just doesn’t add up for me. Maybe because I grew up reading books, studying english in communications class and ended up earning my keep using this medium. But imagine being a top honcho and mangle the language you use in business every effing day. And not having a freaking clue. “As is” becomes “as ip”, “to Google is to gaggles” and many other atrocities that would put the Queen’s language to shame. Yes, I know we Filipinos have a way of looking down on those who don’t speak English and that we are very pronunciation-conscious. It’s a trait that is both awful and good in every Pinoy. But if you were someone who meets people on a daily basis, don’t you think it’s kinda better if you practice?

Case in point2: :Kiss ass or I shall smite thee”
There are people who delight in enunciating the difference in their respective position–from boss to underling, to the powers that be to the bottom wringer. I hate people who power trip and find delight in making people feel their “perceived insignificance”

As the great Sirius Black has said:
“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals…”

This person needed a good dose of the series. She might find the words, according to Harry Potter, worth living by.

Case in point 3: “I look freaking good, shall I be adored…? yes?”

My current work place is the bastion and the last stronghold of the colorful and hilariously adorable third sex. On our halls roam the original beauty queens whose perky breasts and cute busts can move any female (with serious body issues) to shame. Here’s a place where the queens look more beautiful and refined than the females–who I have come to believe to possess godd-awful pipes which we exploit as much as possible.

For the longest time, the apple of the eye was the cute IT expert who–on a day to day basi–must fend off threats of lust from the proud Queens. The kid has reigned in freely as the office candy for almost a year, now the source of eye candy and lust requirement for the aging girls and the emboldened queendom. That is before Mr. G–who is my boss by all means.

Last I heard from the office grape vine: Mr. G currently ranks high on the office hearthrob tally. The mere fact that he is just two weeks into the service is irrelevant to the high “wantability” factor associated to him. Former loudmouths now speak with annoying lilt and soft voices whenever he is present; gays who pass by the hall take a u-turn for a quick look and face time while old women preen and posturize, acting like high schoolers in his presence. To all of these, Mr. G maintains a collected and cool exterior which is betrayed sometimes by the way his cheeks would turn red–especially after one of the Queens decided to go for it, and aim for a quick kiss. (Mr. G was fast and the gay had to content with the age old “beso-beso” A quick check on Mr. G that while he was left in a state of shock, he was able to live through the ordeal.

These are just some of the weird, wacky and wonderful things happening where I work. I am tempted to reveal more but the again, what would I write about on the next installment?

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