I could be anywhere but here

Seen from a random Tumbler account:

Ever had days when you find yourself questioning a lot of things. Well, for me, today is that kind of day. Nothing sad or malevolent had happened to be of sorts. Like the usual, I hauled my fat ass away from the bed at around 9AM, checked the clock then went downstairs to have breakfast. I took a bath, chose my clothes for the day from the dump I left on the floor, got Momo then headed out. I arrived at the office a quarter before the official work hours so I fooled around with the PC, checked my to do’s and started working on the page guide and schedule for a magazine insert that I have dumbly volunteered to spearhead. After a while–bored and annoyed–I started uploading all my travel pictures at Facebook.

While updating the pictures, a thought crossed my head–with the advent of social networking sites like Facebook comes the death of anonymity and the feeling of being alone. Suddenly, friends of friends tag your name even on pictures where you’re not even there. I hated that kind of shit: why would you tag me when I’m not even there? Ditto for over tagging. I hated that my mom–in the midst of a good dinner–ruined the moment by announcing, “may Facebook na ako, add mo ko! (I now have a Facebook account, add me as your friend)” you’re supposed to be my mom, not my Facebook friend. Am I supposed to be polite always on FB just because my mom is now an FB friend? It would have been understandable if I was living 10,000 miles away from home–but I was just living on the spare space she put up for rent!

Now, it’s so easy to be connected: a touch of a button, the entry of a password…as simple as 1-2-3 and you could talk forever, albeit through chatting. I miss being disconnected from the outside world. With the development in technology comes the death of the joy of seeing people after a long, long time and asking them for the latest when it comes to their respective lives. Sometimes, it sucks that when you want to know the latest buzz on friends and family–all you need is a good internet connection and voila! unadulterated access to the best (and most mundane) moments of their lives.

The phone rang incessantly just a few minutes ago. It was the office dweeb: babbling incoherently on a project he obviously doesn’t know a fuck about. “Oh, the big boss wanted it in 30 minutes…”, he said. I resisted the urge to snicker. So, why are you telling me this just now?

I look out the window–Ayala Avenue, in all its glory, is starting to wind down. A slight traffic build-up twenty floors below me.
I could be anywhere but here. I could be like my friends, some of them out of the country. Blessed with the opportunity to see the world and work for non-dweebs. I could be with my kid–God bless the day when I will finally be a mother. I could be backpacking somewhere interesting and cool and nice and adventurous. Fuck it, I could be having the adventure of my life.

I could be anywhere but here.

Yet I am here…and I am so freaking sad.

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